Back in

I'm not really sure what to say.  For the past couple of days, Emma has been doing more and more retching.  And, like the lobster in the pot, I think we didn't really notice how bad it was getting over the weekend.  It was worst at night and night emotions and night decisions are never trust-worthy.

So when we called our primary pediatrician for an appointment this morning because we had been up with the Bear retching for most of the night, we were surprised when she told us to go to the ER.

I'm not sure if it's a bug or the pain medicine or what, but she's not tolerating food in either the G or the J.  She's not showing any other signs of illness, but retching on a brand-new Nissen is not okay.

So after many horrible, awful attempts, we finally have another IV in her leg.  I think the strategy for at least the next 12 hours is to let her gut rest.  We're waiting to see if she produces a stool sample that they can test for the usual suspects, also, but I really have no idea what's going on.

God does

But I don't

So we're back in the hospital again.

The Shouldn't Haftas

I had a bad case of the Shouldn't Haftas this morning.

I shouldn't hafta do this.
I shouldn't hafta wake up early and assemble tubes and syringes and feeding bags.
I shouldn't hafta hook my daughter up to a tube all day.
I shouldn't hafta say 'no' to Charlie when he asks me to build Legoes with him.
I shouldn't hafta ...

Shouldn't Hafta-itis is bad.
It's bad for a marriage.  (common side effects are the 'I-do-more-than-you-do-flu')
It's bad for relationships.  (symptoms include a rash of 'my-life-is-way-harder-than-yours') 
It's bad for your waistline (chocolate may temporarily relieve symptoms but not cure the cause)


The only antidote for me seems to be remembering that this is what love is.

And for me, I remember that Love did a lot of things for me that He should not have had to do.

And I bet He didn't think ...

I shouldn't have to be born in a manger
I shouldn't have to get my feet this dirty
I shouldn't have to tolerate friends who will betray
I shouldn't have to carry this cross
I shouldn't have to die

That's how much He loves us.

So I humbly ask for forgiveness.  I need to trust the God who set me on this path. Complaining like the Isrealites in the dessert is a sinful lack of faith in the God who has demonstrated great faithfulness unto me.

His love is the cure for the Shouldn't Haftas

Flower Girl

Exhale and Expand

You know that day after a stressful and/or busy period of time when everything is finally starting to settle and everyone finally relaxes into sleep enough that the whole house actually seems to exhale?  That day when the kids sleep in so late that you know that there will be laundry to be done because the little bladders can't handle this but you don't even care because they've been through so much that you know they finally feel secure and calm enough to really sleep so you let them?

I love that day.

Today was that day.

Sort of :)

The kids slept in, so this morning was good, but I'm still feeling strained.

I think what I'm feeling is that old familiar adjustment period.  That balloon labeled "Normal" is expanding again to include something new.  This time New Normal needs to make room for two tubes on the Bear and continuous feeds and pain management meds ... plus "Mom, can you come help me find this gray hinge-y Lego piece?" from the Master Builder downstairs.  He's very very good at hearing that I can't do that right now, but I really really hate saying it.

 Life will settle in again, I'm sure if it ... but it hasn't yet.

But He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak

So I'll be okay.

HOME!

There is no place like it

I don't have any cute pictures of us all here because, well, it's a little busy around here.  With J feedings and a healing GI system, we're supposed to be feeding her 24 hours a day.

We're just trying to figure out what that looks like with an active and tiny 3 year old! :)

But we'll get it.  We're so happy she's home

Don't jinx it

There's a word that starts with an 'H' and rhymes with Gnome that someone around here heard a rumor about happening today, but Emma has to be a good girl for the rest of the day before that rumor is official, so I'm not going to jinx it by saying that word out loud for the next 5 hours ...

So in the meantime :)

She's had a really really great morning! 

We had an absolutely awful night last night, but her surgeon is convinced that it's just muscle cramps from her gut waking back up.  Emma produced other 'evidence' that supported that theory this morning as well, so I'm really hoping for a good nap this afternoon.

Her IV finally failed today, but she's been on J-tube feedings for 24 hours now, so they are sure she won't need an IV anymore anyway.  We just have to make sure she tolerates everything (including pain medicines that have been going through the IV) through the tube for a bit before ... You Know What :)

And in preparation for the Plan Which Shall Not Be Named, we got a bunch of literature and information about her procedure and I thought I'd share this picture from it.  This is the simplest explanation I've seen of the Nissen wrap.  The only difference is, you'll note that for Emma the word "laparoscopic" is crossed out!  The surgeon reiterated today how much scar tissue there was to deal with once he was in there, but he's very pleased with how well it went.

But I can already tell that she's on the road to feeling better than she's felt in a long time.  She had a really content playtime with me this morning, smiling with me and even giggling a bit.

Charlie was able to come and visit his sister last night and drew her a picture on her white board.  He told me that this is a picture of him and his "Suppy Puppy" playing with Emma and her new "Doggy Friend" at home.  Eventually the picture grew to include a fort they would build in the living room also, but you get the idea :)

So I have high hopes for the day!  Hopefully the next time I write to you it will be from ... well, you know :)

So much better

I just spoke with the surgical resident.  She approved an increase in Emma's tube feeds, which means Emma gets a break from the IV tube!!! YAY!

Now, I say "gets a break" because the IV is still in, it's just not being used at the moment.  We did need it for morphine a little bit ago (the other stuff alone wasn't cutting it).

And this increase from the J tube is only if she tolerates it.  If her gut isn't ready, she'll "dump," and we're back to the IV.

But she had a brief period this morning where the only cord or tube that was attached to her was the feeding!  We actually got down on the floor and played!!

I've even gotten a couple smiles, and the old "Mama" sign!!

But then she needed some morphine, so we're back on a pulse ox, but at least she's resting comfortably.

Thank you so much for all the prayers and meals and visits and everything!  The Body of Christ is absolutely an amazing blessing, thank you thank you thank you.

His faithfulness is Great.